Miss Mia...

Oh dear, sweet, little Miss Mia...don't worry, we certainly haven't forgotten about you.  My mom reminded me a while back not to forget to document all of the changes, milestones, etc that Mia is going through in the midst of doing my monthly posts regarding Jack.  So I figured I had better shape up and spend some time bragging, complaining and blogging about the spunky spitfire that is Mia...

How old is Mia?...just ask her :)  She will quickly let everyone know that she is two and a half, that she is a "big girl" and that she wears undies...she will then likely ask you about your undies too.  The other day, she asked if my undies were her undies and if daddy wore undies too.  Potty and underwear talk is a fairly common topic of conversation lately.  I am proud to say that Mia has been potty trained for over a month including overnight. She HAS had accidents sprinkled through the past month and a half but she has done really really well in my opinion.  We don't put her in pull ups at all anymore, we limit her liquid intake at night and make it a point to encourage her to use the bathroom as much as she can.  I have noticed that she is getting better and better with telling us ahead of time that she has to go poop or pee, rather than us always being the initiators of a bathroom break.  Yay Mia!!!!  We are proud, she is proud and now we just hope we can maintain the success and have as few accidents as possible.

Mia's first time eating Bugles chips...she enjoy making her "claws"

Mia getting her second "real" hair cut, she LOVED the blue lolly pop

Mia has really been thinking out loud for a while now and as cute as I thought it would be...it really is exhausting.  She asks about everything, which I don't really mind...it's HOW she asks it.  She will always ask where something goes, where so-and-so's house is, if she can go there or if she can see it and she is SUPER in to knowing everyone's name and who their daddy is, who their mommy is and naming every freaking member of their family.  So needless to say, her questions don't stop with the simple "what is that?"  She's not super in to the "why" of everything but does tend to want clarification of many things.  She in to counting a lot, ABC's, names, opposites, using adjectives, and pointing out when things match (two big ones, two little ones, we both are wearing polka dots, this and that are both yellow, etc.).  I wish I had all of her little ideas and questions on tape...some day.

Smelling the tulips at Minnehaha Falls

Although Mia makes me laugh on a daily basis, she also makes me count down the seconds to when I can put her down for bed and get a break from her.  She is typical toddler naughty and attitude, but people have been telling me "it's a stage" and "it won't last long" for a few months now.  Maybe 3 is the magic number and maybe I'm just extra annoyed since she was such a good baby.  I think my annoyance and frustration with Mia is more about me not wanting to believe MY daughter would not want to share, be nice or eat all of the food I worked so hard to prepare...and MY daughter would never hit, kick, take from or push any of her friends.  But, they do...no matter who your mom or dad is.   I think it is sometimes difficult for Mia because we tend to host a lot of the gatherings for our groups of friends and so therefore, she is usually the one expected to share all of her stuff, her space, etc. She obviously has to get over that and learn to deal but I think I may do more prep discussions with her and maybe talk more about it with her ahead of time. I may actually have her choose a few coveted toys that she can hide or keep in a "special spot" for the day that no one will play with (including her) so she knows they are safe...with the expectation that everything is fair game and she must share....any other ideas? I just noticed the difference the other day how patient and polite she was to ask for the toys of other kids and taking turns when it isnt her house and aren't her things.  Eh, whatever...they can duke it out as long as no one gets hurt I guess.

Busted out the pool last week...we have had a wonderful start to spring with unseasonably warm weather...March in particular :)

Mia is super in to being a "big kid" lately and acting like an adult...a mommy to be exact.  I have caught her "nursing" her babies, changing their diapers, pumping, wiping the floor, cleaning up, requesting lipstick and nail polish, etc.  She keeps telling me things about her babies and apparently she now has a granddaughter too (an Elmo doll at a friend's house).  Here are a few Mother's Day dinner pics in her "pretty girl" dress, red nail polish, hair clip and fancy necklace...she loved every second. :)

Helping G with dinner by buttering the bread

Sitting with the adults waiting for her wine

twirling in her dress on a gorgeous day

taking a Sunday drive with uncle Erik

Mia also is starting to sing more and more. She knows so many songs that I had no idea she knew.  She picks a lot up at day care and from her various grandmas too (and Im sure some from Dora).  She requests songs at bedtime and will correct me if I mess up the words; however, she also likes in invent her own words or phrases in songs.  For example, she thought it was the funniest thing to change the words to Old McDonald and she said "and on his farm he had some pants/undies/socks/shoes"...but then she got stuck when it came to the sounds those items would make :)  Since I had Jack, it was important for me to have "Mia time" as well.  So I decided to sign us up for our third session of Music Together classes.  We are just wrapping up week 8 out of 10 and we have had a blast.  She loves music class, loves the teacher and loves dancing around.  I love seeing her in a social setting apart from her friends she sees all the time or has known for so long.  In those settings, she of course can be naughty, bossy, possessive of her things, etc (typical toddler girl sass); however, in music class, she is so polite, shares, and picks up SOOOO well....she even sometimes snuggles in my lap during the lullaby song.  It's been nice having that hour a week just the two of us...two more weeks left and then I'll have to find something else...maybe dance class or swimming or even grabbing a coffee and smoothie at Caribou on the weekends.

playing at Snail Lake and park on a recent warm weather day

MJ playing Mommy, Mia playing Baby

Oh baby Mia...you aren't my little baby anymore. I never thought you'd grow up, walk, talk or butter your own bread and now that you have done all of these things I can't wait to see what is next.  I know I've had a successful day when I have gotten my hugs, kisses and I love yous and when I've had a good laugh from something you just did or told me...thank you for those moments each day.

Jack: 3 Months

Month of Milestones 

Jigga what?  Is it May already!?  This past month went by WAYYYYY too fast..I almost forgot to get a post prepared.  There have been so many changes this week with Jack and within our family that I feel it most appropriate to discuss them in terms of what I am going to call "milestones".

Milestone #1 and #2=Jack's first Easter and first overnight outside of our home.  

Rockin the new shades and bunny bib Jack got from my aunt

We had a very nice Easter weekend that started with a somewhat impromptu trip to Nate's cabin in Osceola to be with some of his family.  The ONLY way I even considered staying over night was because I knew it would be a very small crowd and I knew our family of four would have a place to sleep.  I wanted to be sure to have a spot for Jack to sleep as well as for Mia so we would not wake up everyone else with out night time feedings and early risings of a toddler.  We ended up staying two nights and just relaxed, chilled, watched tv, cooked amazing food and visited...but I was pooped by the end because we didnt really get any good sleep :(

Jack's first campfire in Osceola, all snuggled up with grandma G

For "actual" Easter, we headed to my parent's house for apps, dinner, an egg hunt and dessert with our close family friends.  It was super fun, the kids loved it and we FINALLY got some pictures of our family of four.  The pics kind of suck and Nate chose not to take any time to make them look much better...but at least we have SOMETHING :)

Jack with Nana Kathy at Easter

family of four pics...it's the best we can do right now 

so you'll have to deal with the shadows and bright lights :)

Milestone #3=Jack's first bloodshed.  Oh my poor little peanut.  I stand by my statement that Mia truly does love her baby brother and wants to be around him a lot; however, come bedtime...she can turn in to another creature and become careless.  Mia was very excited about a kids magazine she got in the mail and was waving it around Jack before bed.  She tested her boundaries a bit too close and whacked him on the face with her magazine...right below his right eye.  I was shocked to find that a few second later, he was bleeding!  She had given him a big paper cut kind of thing and he was NOT happy about...neither were we.  He was all smiles and just fine soon after, but we really tried to get it in to Mia's head that she must be gentle around babies...or anyone for that matter.  You can slightly see his ouchie in the below pic.  Mia kept asking if he was all better and if he had blood still. :)

LOVE this bear outfit for outside strolls!

Here is a pic to "prove" Mia just loves her bro...she calls him "Jack-a-butt"

and insists that he snuggles with her in bed some days

Milestone #4=Jack's first solid night of sleep without waking up.  Jack has improved DRAMATICALLY in the overnight sleep department this past month.  The majority of nights, Jack only wakes up one time...and if he doesn't wake up one time...wait for it....he sleeps the whole night!  His first REAL long stretch was at the cabin in Osceola and I was starting to freak out since he wasn't waking up.  Since then (around Easter), he has pretty much slept one nice long stretch at night, wakes up once to nurse and then back to bed until usually 7am...which is the earliest acceptable time for him to wake up for the day...otherwise, back to bed for him :)  I believe the first night he slept 9pm-7am non-stop and the second time was 8:00pm-7:30am...I just about died.  Both of those nights I did wake up to pump once, but I was so pleased that he slept straight through that it didn't matter.  I really can not recall the last time he has woken up more than once to eat in the middle of the night. He does sometimes require a few minor adjustment like putting his Nuk back in or being moved to his bouncy seat for the vibration; but those only take about 20 seconds to do and are more annoying than time consuming.  His naps are getting better too, especially his afternoon one.  It is my mission on the weekends to get a nap for myself so I make sure I do whatever I can to sync the naps of my kids...so far, it has worked amazingly well and they have been pretty cooperative.

winking at me as he flirts :)

bundled up for a mid-day stroll...the weather has been very unpredictable this month

Milestone #5=My first day back at work after a 12 week maternity leave.  I was NOT expecting to be sad at all going back to work and I had actually been looking forward to it for a few weeks.  I felt ready to go back, ready to get back to my career and ready for adult conversations every day.  I was not ready to feel the push and pull of "leaving Jack" with others to be cared for, while also wanting to snuggle his face all day long.  Thankfully, our family has a very nice set up until early June which includes Jack being home with me one day, home with my parents 2 days and at an in home day care the last two days of the work week.  This is a nice way to ease everyone through the transition and allow me to adjust to a normal life again...whatever that means :)  I enjoy being back at work, but it was a lot harder to leave him than I thought it was.  I kind of hit the ground running with going back to work...I have been pretty busy and have LOTS of paperwork piling up.  I like being busy, but I dont like feeling overwhelmed so I am hoping that the initial stress of being back will subside soon and I will get back on my game.  This section is particularly short because I didn't have time to blog at work and I have to be back at work tomorrow morning at 7:45am and it is after 9pm right now...gotta get this done quick!

Could this little boy BE any cuter!?

Typical activity after work, Mia "getting home from work"
where she says she makes apple sauce and orange juice

Jack working on his neck :)

Mia taking her role as big sister VERY seriously

Milestone #6=Jack's first days of "real" day care (away from family).  Holy hell were those emotional days!  My friend said it best when she told me that I had forgotten that I was basically a "new" daycare mom...she was right.  For the first year, Mia was exclusively watched by me or her grandparents.  Even between one and two years old, she only went to traditional day care 2 days a week; so I am pretty much a new day care mom and that hit me hard last week.  Bottom line is that they LOVE Jack at day care and think he was a wonderful baby (they have only had him two days so far) and wondered if "he was always this perfect?"  That made me feel glorious and proud; but early on in the first day, I was an wreck and got very upset about my first "check in" phone call to the provider.  Long story short is that I am very sensitive about my milk supply and I want to do my best (within reason) to make enough milk for Jack on my own.  I felt that the provider was way too quick to feed him too much of my milk and didn't seem to think it was a big deal at all to feed a barely 3 month old 6oz in one sitting when I ABSOLUTELY was not making that much at all in one pump or nursing session.  But what bothered me most was how she told me about his morning and how she communicated her perceptions and observations as if she had known him for years.  I felt like a horrible mom who didn't know her son; I know that was all my fault and not her intention at all.  I've done this before, Im no parent rookie and I also have bene managing very well nursing and pumping for 3 months...dont tell ME what my kids needs and wants :)...let me figure it out on my own and then you can sit back and give yourself props for knowing all along...silently :)  I had some venting time with friends and felt WAY better after just getting a bunch of stuff off my chest.  I have some friends who do a great job of being on "my side" and validating me, and I have other friends who put me in check and call me out on my shit...it was nice to get both.  All in all, the first two days at day care were great for Jack, I am SO happy they like him and will keep him and are already teaching him...it's just hard to share him and watch someone else raise your kids sometimes....sniff sniff.

Aren't these pics to die for?  I could look at these pictures over and over and over again...and probably will :)  He is just the cutest, happiest, most lovable baby (at least that is how I feel at this moment, hehe).  Jack has had a lot of activity, outings, visits and milestone events this month, I can't wait to see what the next few months have in store for us.  Up next: May....my birthday, mothers day and our first overnight away from Jack for a friend's wedding, yikes!

Jack: 2 Months (part 2)

Jack before the 2 month doctor visit

Continued....please refer to previous post for the majority of updates and thoughts regarding Jack and our adjustment as a family.  It's funny how horrible my memory is lately...maybe it's a symptom of juggling so much all at once :) I have all these great ideas of what to write about and poof, they are out of my mind...oh well...they must not have been that good.  Anyway, today was Jack's 2 month appointment.  I had sort of been dreading this appointment for a while now.  Not because of the screams and cries accompanied with shots, but because of my experience with nurses and doctors during Mia's 2 month appointment.  By two months, Mia was essentially sleeping through the night...AMAZING!  However, she was not gaining as much weight as "they" had hoped and the nurse was an absolute B about it.  Feeding in to the negative stereotype of angry disgruntled nurses, she was crabby, authoritative, undermining and quite forceful in her "recommendations" for me and what to do to help my daughter gain more weight.  By the way, Mia was just fine....she was not the hefty baby on the block but she certainly wasn't "failure to thrive".  Plus, I assumed she'd wake up in the middle of the night if she was STARVING...which she wasn't.  Anywho...this B of a nurse hit my weakness and lack of confidence as a new mom and I came home crying thinking I wasn't "enough" for Mia. Blah blah blah, long story short is that I was so stressed out about nursing and going back to work and not feeding my daughter enough that I switched to 100% formula for Mia between 3-4 months old...and felt HORRIBLE about it...then.  So needless to say, I was worried about going in today thinking I would get some similar scolding, even though I dropped that nurse and doctor team like a bad habit, even though I have about 80 ounces of breast milk in the freezer and even though every time Jack eats I can hear him gulping and doing really well with nursing.  Our new doc for the kids is great and she says things that make me feel like a confident and competent mom.

Jack during his 2 month doctor visit...he normally does not look this purple and red :)

Jack was 8lb 3oz at birth and he is now 11lb 7ounces at two months old.  He is 22.5in long and his head is 15.5in.  All that means is that he is pretty average for his age and gender and he is growing and developing right on target, yeah!!!  

After getting his shots...poor baby

Not too happy with me after the shots....silent treatment

Thoughts about going back to work:  By the time Jack is 3 months old, I will have been back to work for just over a week and I imagine I will be adjusting yet again to another huge life/balance shift.  I went in to work last week to get a letter sent out to my clients reminding them of my return...only 3 weeks away.  I love my job and I love my schedule and I am not at all feeling guilt or dread about leaving Jack; however, I do find myself worried about those who will take care of him.  I worry that they won't like him if he's fussy.  I worry that they won't think he is a good baby if he isn't complying with a consistent predictable schedule.  I worry that everyone will love Mia more and forget about Jack.  I know none of this will happen, but it has been on my mind lately as we approach the "countdown" 3 weeks left of leave.  I'm sure everyone will be just fine and they won't "quit him" if he isn't smiling and perfect every day.

Overall Jack is a great kid.  He does very well during the day and is getting more and more chill during the awake hours...now we'll just have to see how/if/or when his nights become a bit more consistent and we all settle in to more of a routine.

Jack: 2 Months

Boy oh boy, what a month! I dont even know where to being other than saying each day is so different for us.  There have been extreme highs and lowest of lows (not really, but in the low moments it feels like hell).  I am glad I am starting to write this post on a somewhat good day or my opinions and attitudes of things would absolutely come across as bitchy, complaining and generally appear like I HATE motherhood, which is not the case...at least not every day.  Let's start with that, shall we?  I call it balance...

Balance:  No offense, but I roll my eyes or think "liar liar pants on fire" every time I read a blog or hear a comment about how being a mother is an absolute joy EVERY SINGLE DAY...that's a bunch of BS and you know it.  I get baffled when moms say things like "it still breaks my heart every day when I have to leave my kids and go to work...and my kids are already 3 and 5."  Ummmm, seriously?  Breaks your heart?  That's a strong statement.  Or the classic "enjoy every moment because it won't last long"...ummm, I sure as shit hope they don't!  For me, it's all about balance.  I certainly feel sad sometimes when I don't get to see my kids as much as I want or when I think about leaving my son in the care of other people that might not know him "well enough", but I also look forward to being an adult again and going to an adult job with adult people and talking about adult things.  This may seem cold but my kids are welcomed visitors in my life...they are wanted and welcomed and free to participate in our lives however they want...but I had a life before them, I had a marriage before them and I intend on making those two "lives" just as much a priority as being a mother.  It's all about finding the balance...I'm still working on it.

Nate and I are introducing a committment to go out on at least one date night a month. I know it seems lame and not a lot of time together but you'd be surprised at how easily it is to choose sleep over conversation and staying connected with your spouse when you have two kids.  One thing I already do for BALANCE is go out to dinner once a month with my close girlfriends...this is one of the best things I look forward to each month as it is essentially free therapy....talk therapy as well as "medication"

My medication for that night

Okay, back to Jack.  He's two months old already!!!  He is so cute I can hardly stand it.  Although I do not really enjoy being woken up through the night, I love the moments after nursing when I get to hold and rock him an extra few minutes as I stare at his cute little face.  When he's awake, Jack is generally a pretty good baby.  He is becoming more and more alert, focused and calm during the awake hours and has gotten great at eye contact and smiling...melts my heart every time.  He really enjoys being on his tummy; but doesn't do a lot of "work" to strengthen his head/neck muscles.  I'm not really worried because he seems to have pretty good head control and overall, he seems to be developing just fine for being two months old.  Here are some pics in  between stories and comments to hopefully keep you interested.  Again, sorry for the amateur pictures from my phone...we've been busy.

My little teddy bear after a stroll through our neighborhood

Exhibit A:  loves to sleep chest to chest...also after another walk through the hood 

Exhibit B...sleeping chest to chest with daddy

Exhibit C

As long as we are on the topic, let me share with you my thoughts and experiences about our sleep lately:

Sleep:  Jack's sleep schedule has been VERY unpredictable this month...typical for an infant but NOT what we have been used to and blessed with from Mia.  There have been a handful of nights where Jack has allowed me over 5 hours of straight sleep, but overall, he wakes up an average of every 2-3 hours over night to nurse.  He's pretty awesome about going right back to sleep during those night time feedings which is cool, but I often find myself thinking "seriously...up again?!" when he cluster eats some nights every 2 hours.  In general, Jack's "schedule" is every three hours...eat, play/awake and sleep during the day; at night, it is eat/sleep/eat/sleep.  This mamma is NOT a happy camper when my sleep is interrupted.  I don't care how often he wakes up or how often he eats at all during the day...but when I have "plans" to sleep and he effs with that...no bueno.  I turn in to a zombie raging bitch for about 10 minutes and then am surprised at how quickly I relax and chill by the end of the nursing session.  It's like "as long as im up and awake, I may as well enjoy this time with him"...then I'm not as mad.  I remember back to the one birth class we took when I was preggers with Mia and the instructor told us to tell our partners what the one thing is we absolutely NEED each day no matter what.  Nate's was a shower (although he does not necessarily take one every day) and mine was sleep.  I need sleep to function well and I look forward to the days where I consistently get at least a 6 hour stretch.  Each kid is different and I have to accept that but for now...Mia:1, Jack:0

Related to sleep....holy COW have I been having constant experiences of "phantom baby cries"!!!  I would not diagnose myself as having hallucinations (just yet); however, almost every night I hear phantom Jack or Mia making noise only to find them sound asleep not moving or making one single peep.  I know this experience is shared by many many women/mammas and I also know it can go on for a long long time, even when the children are older; but it just amazes me how much more I think I hear Jack crying or stirring in his crib than I ever did with Mia. Huh.

Here is our "phantom" family of four photo :)

Mommy Meltdown:  In the past month, I have noticed a bit more of anxiety and depression...which typically comes during these first few months after child birth and life adjustments.  However, in the past ~60 days, I have only had about 3-4 meltdowns and I consider that pretty mild compared to the clinical depression or struggles many new moms have.  In fact, as I am writing the majority of this blog, I am enjoying one of the most fantastic relaxing days I have had in a while...really reminds me to put things in to perspective.  BUT...when you're in it, you are IN it and I was in a funk one day last week.  This past Wednesday was a long tough day coming off of a night getting very little sleep.  By the time Nate had gotten home, I was pooped.  I felt like everyone needed something from me and I was expected to give it...even if it was something as small as emailing some one back.  Mia was melting down because she was sick, she refused to eat, she refused to take medicine, she refused basically anything we suggested.  After she went to bed, I broke down and let it all out...I said silly things like "I hate Mia, I hate you, I hate this life, I can't do this anymore, I want everyone to leave me alone and stop needing me..."  Nate just sat quietly and listened and essentially encouraged me to get out of the house and go do something alone for an hour or two.  "Im fat, I can't ever drop this extra weight, I dont even want to go to yoga because I'll be the fat out of shape girl"...I was just going on and on and being pretty dramatic.  I ended up going out to get a chocolate malt and a mani/pedi and returned home about 2 hours later feeling refreshed and calm. The next day, I felt like a million bucks and that I could conquer the world.....it's all about perspective.

I share this because I want to validate the PERCEIVED shit that you all have.  In that moment of meltdown and crap, you don't want a cheerleader, you don't want someone to remind you of all your blessings, you want someone to validate your experience and allow you to have a moment to complain, bitch and sit in your shit....then we're done and we snap out of it and move on.  Once I feel validated or heard, it is so much easier to move on...THEN you can go ahead and be a cheerleader.  I have found that everything is temporary and I am really noticing that I need to work harder on putting things in to perspective, appreciating what I have and allowing myself to lower my expectations in order to keep sane, calm and functional.  It's like, come on Molly, cut yourself some slack...you just had another kid and have a toddler, your husband just quit his job and got a new one, we have a wonderful house, we have supportive families and friends, we have our health and much more.... 

Here are some pics to help me keep things in perspective:

In the second month, MUCH more eye contact is happening...thank God, I was worried there for a sec :)

Superdad in St. Paul on St. Pattys Day....it was nuts down there!

Jack with his cousin, Ellie who is 3 months older than him

My kids passed out after a long day of fun with family and friends

Jack smiling at his sister, awwww.  This is during a morning mall walking with dad so I could sleep in a bit after a wakeful night....thanks Nate!

Although it can be tough for Mia to share her toys with her friends,
she does wonderfully with her baby brother! :)

Mia didn't want Jack to be alone while he slept, so she kept him company by pretending to sleep near him

Weekend dinner gathering with friends...wow our lives have changed so much over the past few years.  3 years ago, this pic would have been full of beer bottles, wine glasses, silly poses with our tongues out followed by cab rides to go bar hoping.  This year, we all were heading home by 7:15pm to put our kids to bed in hopes to making it to bed ourselves by 9:00pm  :)

Some pics from Jack's first month...

Nate was able to go through a chunk of pictures from Jack's first month and I couldn't just sit and wait a few more weeks to post them, so here are some ones from his first couple of weeks.  There will be more coming as Nate continues to go through and edit, so stay tuned if you care to see them :)

First bath at home...he was not a fan

He instantly calmed down after he was all snug and cozy again :)

Koko and G doing the obligatory check on his hands and feet

Auntie Maddy and the little bean

Big sis Mia admiring her baby brother :)

rubbing his back as she assumes it fixes everything...so sweet

um...how can you NOT include this picture?  She's dancing with her tutu and pom-pom hand me downs from a friend

Mia, Jack and some of their buddies on a Sunday brunch visit

snuggling sibs

all together now...."awwwwwww"

...more to come...