Molly's Mantras Part 1

I was thinking last night as I went to bed...."I still need a focus or topic for my blog".  I, of course, would love for it to be about Mia and being a "new mom", but I also want it to include other stuff as well.  For those of you who do not already know, I am three month in to a new job as a Outpatient Mental Health Therapist at a clinic in the twin cities.  I am loving this job and am learning a lot about myself, my strengths, my areas for improvement, my interests, etc.  So far, about 90% of my clients are suffering from Depression or Anxiety in some form or another.  A common treatment option for depression and anxiety (through therapy) can be CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.  CBT involves many different elements but is primarily focused around identifying, challenging and shifting our automatic thoughts/cognitions that smack us in the face during bouts of hopelessness, self doubt, panic or excessive worry.  It can be about dissecting those thoughts that have proven themselves ineffective and dysfunctional and replacing them with affirmations and acknowledgements as we work to repair our self esteem, confidence and feelings of worthiness.  With that, I have suggested various "mantras" to some of my clients and the feedback has been generally positive.  So I thought....why not pose some of these mantras to my friends and families and see whether or not they apply and/or are helpful in our own lives?  So here we go....Molly's Mantras Part 1.  Disclaimer: I do not always make these up on my own and am not claiming to think of these all by myself, they are simply sayings or words of wisdom I tend to consider, apply and encourage others to explore.

Mantra #1:  No one can make me feel worthless without my consent.
(Think about it, consider it, how does it fit for you, what comes up?)

Personally, this has been a challenge.  It can be so easy to blame others for our experiences in life and emotional reactions...but that doesn't ultimately give me the results I want in life.  Although it feels good in the moment to get angry or blame others...it leads no where in my opinion.  The added challenge is to substitute worthless with any other emotion including sad, angry, frustrated and even happy.  I do not believe that others can MAKE me feel happy or sad...that is my choice, my responsibility and my reaction.  I don't assume responsibility or want to control the emotions of others...so why would I want to hand over my own emotions and feelings at the discretion of others?  Comments, reactions?.....this is a tough one....let it simmer.

Happy Holidays!

"Happy Huurlidays, Welcome to Tuuurget Cuuurcles"....does anyone remember that fantastic SNL clip a few years back?  Makes me laugh every time.  Well, apparently it isn't even winter yet but I am so OVER this snow and cold.  Scratch that.  I'm over the cold, but I do like the snow...when it is cute, puffy and soft. Anywho, before next week comes and I get too busy with the multiple array of events, gatherings and obligations, I wanted to include our family's chosen holiday card this year.  My apologies if you do not receive a "real life" one in the mail; perhaps you can consider this as your card without the pressure of feeling like you have to hang us on your refrigerator. 

This is the front of our card stock, this makes me want to SQUEEEEEZE Miss Mia

This is the back of the card.  I am aware she looks like a boy

but there is nothing I can do to make her hair grow...

I am told I was basically bald until I was over 2 years old

The runner up picture that did not make Nate's cut...

FYI, I would have included this one :)

From our family to yours, we wish you all of the happiness, joy, safety and FUN this holiday season.

Love,

Molly, Nate and Mia 2010

How come kids can do it but we can't?

*Thank you 3pm client for not showing up and not calling and making me sit here and wait for you.  Fine, I'll just write a quickie blog.

There are some days I wish I was a kid again. I used to wish I was a cat because I have a cat and they literally don't have to do shit...ever.  Now that I have a young child, the wishing I was a cat has shifted to wishing I was a kid. Here are some things I wish I could do/have or experience that babies and toddlers can:

• stare at people for a long long time with or without expression
• take multiple naps a day
• wear fleece footed one piece zip-up jammies to bed
• wear fleece footed one piece zip-up jammies all day long
• get food all over my face and have some else wipe it off
• be held and snuggle in the crook between some one's neck and shoulder
• fall asleep in the back seat of the car
• be pushed around in a stroller
• be pulled around in a sled
• point at people for long periods of time
• flirt with anyone I want
• ask why people they act or look the way they do without consequence
• fart and laugh about it in public
• burp and laugh about it in public
• have all of my meals cooked and prepared for me
• have no chores or cleaning duties other than "can you put this in the garbage?"
• have people clap, smile and laugh at pretty much everything I say or do
• deal with minimal expectations from others...other than sitting, crawling, eating and walking
• again, stare and watch people all day long...I love people-watching

Any others you want to add to the list?  Kids have it so easy don't they?...so do cats.

Out of the Mouth of Babes

*To thank you all for reading my longer posts with too much text and too little pictures....this one's for you.  Here's a look at my past weekend, had SUCH a good time.

Ha! I DARE you to take this away from me.

Um....how long do we have to sit here?

Santa: Ha ha ha, I am SOOOO not having three kids

MJ (in front): Ma ma!  I hate these neighbors, please don't make me play here with them

Mia: Dad?  Is that you?

I knew it was my daddy all along.  Now that those other brats left, I Santa all to myself.

Option #1 for their first CD cover

Option #2, CD release party Dec 31st, 2030

Option #3, they are the opening band at the Turf Club next Tuesday

3 girls, one sled, poor MJ

Why did our parents say this would be fun and why are so many people taking our picture?

The view is way better from up here

Mom, seriously....just pick me up...I can't walk in all of this padding

What's that, you want me to look cute?  No problem...you have 30 seconds before I freak out though...

Why are you still taking my picture and laughing at me?  Get this hat off!!!

Victory!

I know you don't think you're going to take this spoon from me...

I know what you're thinking...I see right through you, dad...this food is MINE.

Ah Ha! I win the clean plate club!

What you talkin' 'bout Willis?

Some attempts at a holiday card

Ahh, how cute was that?  We had a blast this weekend and the coolest part about it was that it was 85% spontaneous (the photo shoot with the girls obviously shows them wearing matching long sweater dresses).  In spite of my disdain for cold weather, I have gotten in to the holiday spirit and am looking forward to a relaxing, fun filled month with friends and family.  I wish the same to all of you.

Adult vs. "Grown Up"

When Nate was in Kindergarten, his mother had asked him about his new teacher at school.  Apparently, his teacher was pretty old, grey haired, had glasses and was very close to retirement.  The conversation went something like this:  "Nate, how old is your teacher?"..."She's full grown." Ha!

At a young age, I couldn't wait to be a "grown up" and now I dread the thought that I'm becoming one at 31 years old.  There are things that I laugh at and make fun of my mom, friends or others about thinking "no way am I ever going to get excited about getting dishes for Xmas".  In the past few years, I have gotten excited about getting dishes and this scares me.  I think I am an adult just by definition; however, I do not feel as though I am a "grown up" just yet.  As I became a teenager, teenagers became adults and adults became grown ups...but there are differences between each stage.  Here are some differences I sometimes see...(disclaimer: these are just meant to be funny and this is not at all an exhaustive list)

Adults: Use leftover paper products for whatever occasion comes next (birthday plates for Halloween)...why waste the plates and who really cares?
Grown Ups:  Set the table, use cloth napkins and use matching "non-plastic" plates, bowls, side plates, glasses and have all essential silverware...even if it isn't essential.
Adults:  Drink beer out of a can or use a can coozie
Grown Ups: Pour beer in to a pint glass that had already sitting in the freezer for at least an hour before guests arrived
Adults:  Send email thank you letters or cards because A=why waste on postage and B=do people really still need thank you cards when we already said thank you at least 2 times already?
Grown Ups:  Hand write thank you cards in cursive and also send a thank you card for a thank you card acknowledging how thoughtful and nice the first thank you card was.
Adults:  Bring all brush, leaves and remnants of fall to the local compost
Grown Ups: Save pine cones, leaves, flowers and sand for scrapbooks, keepsakes and potpourri
Adults:  Save gift bags and boxes for future holidays
Grown Ups:  Save gift bags, boxes, bows, name tags, tape, rubber bands, streamers, tissue paper and cut holiday cards in half to use the "front" as a card for next year
Adults:  Use funny coasters with quizzes, sayings or conversation starters on them
Grown Ups:  Use coasters or doilies on top of table clothes for "extra" safety
Adults:  Avoid using centerpieces at the table because it wastes space for the food
Grown Ups:  Pick flowers, arrange leaves and rocks, set candles and family pictures leaving little to no room for the food
Adults:  Take short cuts in life (literally a figuratively) to speed or move things along
Grown Ups:  Enjoy the journey, take their time and are unaware that there is a short cut
Adults:  Get a massage when they need one
Grown Ups:  Use tennis balls on the walls of their home and carry a ball in their purse or car just in case
Adults:  Write blogs or nothing at all
Grown Ups:  Journal or type their thoughts than print them out and put them in a three ringed binder
Adults:  Manage their banking online
Grown Ups:  Balance their check book by hand and save receipts
Adults:  Go on winery or brewery tours (or brew their own)
Grown Ups:  Sever boxed wine on sale and then attend a holiday play
Adults:  Drink Pinot Noir
Grown Ups:  Drink White Zin
Adults:  Go "nuts" by venturing out for a bar hopping night and taking a stripper pole dancing class
Grown Ups:  Go "nuts" by ordering a Cosmo and eating sushi
Adults:  Wear Smart Wool, comfy yoga pants and zip up hoodies
Grown Ups:  Wear the Snuggie or similar home network purchases
Adults:  Vacuum
Grown Ups:  Dust the house then vacuum
Adults:  Wear ugly sweaters to a party as a joke
Grown Ups:  Wear ugly sweaters to a party

There are many more examples I can see...I just can't recall all of them right now.  Please, add to the list so we all can laugh a bit on this gloomy day.  I think am still pretty safe in the adult zone; however, I do have some tendencies to dabble in the grown up behaviors once in a while.  One is not better or worse..they are just different ways of living life and that's okay.  Which one are you?  An adult or a grown up?

Buttons, flashing lights, noises...Technology has taken over...and it's winning

I tease and poke fun of my mom for barely knowing how to turn on her cell phone or recover a voice message; however, this does not make her any less smart or less of a person.  On the contrary, she is perhaps more comfortable in her ability to create and maintain healthy balanced relationships without feeling the only method is via texting or over the internet....hell, she can even read my blog!  My point is this:  I have been struggling a lot lately trying to find a balance between too much and too little technology/media in my home.  It is very hard for me to do this because I benefit from technology on a daily and hourly basis...but I also see it "getting in the way" of where I want to be and where I want to go with my family.  Is it a realistic hope that my family in the future will leave their phones and gadgets for us to have a meal together?...or has that time gone and lost forever?  God, I hope not. 

So here is a slice of what I've got going on at home, we have: speakers throughout the house for music, we have one large tv in the basement family room, a desktop computer with two monitors, two cell phones, MacBook air laptop, fancy shmancy camera, a media server to connect all of these through the house.  Nate's work also recently got him an iPad and a Kindle.  Like I said, I benefit and am blessed to have these bits of luxury; but I frequently wonder what is really necessary to have.  Last night, my husband and I were sitting in front of the tv while he was on his iPad and I was on the MacBook air...visualizing this again makes me want to laugh...AND cry.  Let me be clear with something:  technology and all of it's gadgets are NOT inherently bad.  What can become a problem is how, and how often we use technology and whether or not there is a balance in life and our relationships.  Recently, my neighbors decided to have one whole night absolutely free from any/all forms of media.  Now I have no idea whose idea it was and if there was any resistance to it...but what a great idea.  I mean really...what did we used to do before all of this?  Talk, play cards, play games, take walks...are those no longer fun activities for people? I know I'm being dramatic here, but have we lost "the good ole days" of face to face human connection?

One of the most important thing for me right now is trying to figure out how to set good examples for Mia.  We all know that there is a lot of valid research out there encouraging families to limit a child's exposure to tv, computers, etc.  One of the considerations is that it can indirectly encourage isolation and limit their social development if they participate in these activities by themselves.   I would hate to have Mia come home from school one day and hesitate sharing a story with me because she is worried that it would interrupt my chatting, texting or typing, etc.  Of course, I would drop everything in a second for her and would never want her to feel "not good enough" for my undivided attention.  But at what point might she just stop trying if she constantly sees us on or with some form of media/technology?  Am I alone in my worries, are they totally illogical, am I off base here? 

When did the concern about social development and life balance NOT become a consideration for us adults as well?

Miss Mia

Mia on her 1st birthday with her big girl trike from Gia and Grandpa 

I feel it is time to start writing about the most favorite thing in my life, my daughter Mia.  To get everyone up to speed on our third family member, my plan was to share a story or two and some pictures from each month of her life.  Warning, this is a long blog post so get a chair and some popcorn and enjoy.

Sept-Oct:

Mia was born Sept 24th, 2009 via "natural birth".  I decided I was going to avoid using drugs at all cost and in hindsight, dumb idea.  If we should have another child in the future...I am taking any and all drugs/medications within my reach :)Mia was 7lb 6 oz, 20.25 inches long and her Apgar scores were 8s and 9s.  Within this first month, we were very busy, had tons and tons of visitors and made it a point to get out of the house every day.  Nate stayed home with me for two weeks and that was glorious.  This month, we watched a lot of Twins playoff games, Gopher football and early Vikings season games.  By her 1 month appointment, Mia weighed 8lb 6oz and was 22.75 inches long which was in the 97% in height!  Mia was also starting to smile.

Oct-Nov:

Mia started to sleep really really well and actually somewhat advanced in this area.  By two months, Mia was definitely sleeping solidly through the whole night and we were very thankful for this...we realize how luck we've been in this regard.  However, Mia was not eating as much as she "should have" because she was sleeping through the night.  I struggled with whether or not to wake her up in the middle of the night as Dr.'s had suggested...why wake her up?!  On Nov 23rd, one day before Mia turned 2 months old, I went back to work.  My maternity leave was 9 weeks and I went back right before Thanksgiving 2009.  I learned how to cut Mia's nails this month and became a pro.  By the end of 2 months, Mia was 9lb 10oz, 22.75 inches tall and had a 15.25 in head and again, the Dr.'s wanted her to weigh a bit more and have me wake her up...I felt bad about this and had some decisions to make.

Nov-Dec:

I had a few meltdown this month due to the holidays, pressure of going back to work when I wanted to stay home with Mia, and not feeling like a good enough mother because I essentially was not producing enough milk for her once I went back to work.  We took our first out of town trip to Ely, MN for a long weekend, Mia became accustomed to her Bumbo chair featured in the above pictures, she developed a funny personality, smiled MUCH more and grew out of any random crying spells.  Snow started falling, people started getting in the spirit of the holidays and both Nate and I got more and more comfortable with a routine and adjusting to parenthood.

Dec-Jan:

Our family was very busy with Xmas, which was just when Mia turned 3months old and like a switch, she became a "real" person.  I had looked forward to this 3 mo magical time and she definitely delivered!  Mia became animated, giggly, smiley and I could see that she really knew who we were and became securely attached to all of her caregivers.  Mia's first roll over of Jan 21st just before turning 4 mo.  Of course, this was a one off event and she did not master the art of rolling over for a few more weeks.  At 4mo, Mia was 12lb 10oz, had a 16 in head and was 24.25 inches tall.  Her weight, height and everything was on track and we ended up choosing a new nurse and Dr. at our clinic.  I had felt incredibly judged and talked down to from our previous nurse with regard to nursing and get "not getting enough" from me.  This played a HUGE roll in me deciding to give Mia formula. This would be the last month that I nursed Mia and this was the hardest decisions I have made.  I am thankful for the decision I made because I was relived of any stress, guilt and worry about nursing and Mia remained as happy and healthy as can be.  It was a good decision for our whole family and Mia remained healthy pretty much up until she was 12 mo old with the exception of a minor cold once or twice.

Jan-Feb:

Things just got better and better.  Mia started "lip smacking" this month and discovered how her mouth, tongue and lips work...it was hilarious to watch.  Mia loved her baths and loved splashing around reaching for her ducks.  Mia got a new friend, Annie, who was born on Jan 31st and lives right next door to us.  These neighbors, along with some other neighbors, have become great friends and we will continues to share fun stories of our girls as they grow up (MJ=2 weeks older than Mia, Annie=4 months younger than Mia).  For Valentine's day, Nate and I had our first joint overnight away from Mia.  My parents had given us a free night stay at the Westin and we decided to "cash in" on it over this particular weekend.  It was glorious, relaxing and nice to reconnect in the midst of our busy lives.  Mia did wonderfully at her grandparent's house and slept very well for them.  Mia continued to sleep well at night in her swaddle, although this was becoming more and more difficult as she was determined to break free and roll over.

Feb-Mar:

A lot happened this month: Nate got yet another raise/promotion at work, I took my first girls only trip as a mom (and left Mia at home), Nate did some solo parenting (with the help of grandparents, neighbors, and family members that fed him almost every meal while I was away), and various funny milestones of Mia's.  During this month (according to my handwritten journal) Mia: plays a lot with her hands and feet/toes, babbles all the time, lip smacks, laughs much more, switches toys from hand to hand, works on sitting up on her own and had "real food" for the first time...rice cereal, yuck!  By 6mo old Mia was 26 inches tall, 17 in head and was 15lb 8oz...I hated/hate seeing her get shots at the Dr.

Mar-Apr:

At Como Zoo/Park hanging out in wonderful weather

Easter 

Easter

 In a park near our home

This month, we got a new car because I was so sick of getting the car seat in and out of a two door....no more I say!  Mia got her first tooth this month, the bottom two came in just about at the same time-mid April. The MN Twins had their home opener at the new stadium, they won.  Mia went to my cabin for the first time and absolutely loved it!  This month, I also found out that I was being laid off and would potentially not have a job within a few months.  Initially, this was a very ugly and horrible thing that happened to me and was extremely abusive and sneaky.  In the end, it was the best this I could have asked for because A=I got to have 3.5 months off with Mia and eventually landed an amazing job!  By the end of this month, Mia had two teeth, was sleeping on her tummy at night, mastered sitting on her own, can totally be fine in a high chair and was just an amazing little person.

Apr-May:

Weekend spent at the cabin and on the pontoon with grandpa :)  She was a great driver.

Playing in her very first kiddie pool, she LOVED it!

This is just wrong on so many levels...this is why we hate clowns.

I had been waiting for this month for a long time.  This year, Mother's Day happened to fall exactly on my birthday...I was very excited about this.  I had an amazing birthday/Mothers day weekend topped off from an unexpected visit with one of my friends I made over in London...who happens to be from Chicago and was in town.  By the end of this month, Mia was SOOOO close to crawling, but not quite there yet.  I would also have only a few more weeks of work before my 3 1/2 month time frame living it up with Mia over the summer months.

May-June:

We just love our neighborhood and love the park that is so close to our home.  Mia and I spent a lot of time there this summer and this is her favorite swing.  This month, Mia mastered the art of the crawl and was basically a human sponge looking for any and all sensory input and information.  She loved to eat a variety of foods this month and was basically always happy.  Mia started to clap at everything she did or accomplished this month, it was so cute!  Mia also started swimming lessons this month at the local public pool. She loved having this time with her friend, Ruby and Patrick.  We spent Father's Day up at Nate's cabin, which has always been a nice quick trip about an hour away.  The kick off to summer was great, we enjoyed are time together and have amazing friends to share the memories with.

June-July:

This was by far the busiest month we have had as parents.  We literally had something going on every single weekend this month and they were all out of town gatherings.  I wanted to include about 100 pictures in just this one month, but here are a few to summarize.

Weekend at my cabin, old school bath in a big tub

Mia eating a lemon at a local bar as Nate prepared for his epic photo/video shoot for his little brother's wedding

Nate and Molly got to go to Chicago (without Mia) to visit a good friend and attend a classy wedding...our first time away from Mia for more than an overnight...first time out of state without her.

A picture at a grocery store up at cabin...this chair is HUGE!

An amazing weekend with my sister-in-law's family at their property on the Brule River, SUCH a great time!

Another weekend getaway at my neighbor's cabin.  These are the three neighborhood girlfriends who will love pics like these for their graduation parties.  MJ, Mia and Annie....friends forever :)

July-Aug:

Basically, this was the month of Erik and Maddy's wedding, my brother-in-law and now sister-in-law.  We had one full week of events and this was exciting, fantastic and exhausting all in the same.  I didn't write much in my journal during this month as we were so busy, but Mia continued to be a rock star.  More teeth, more movement, more eating, more sleeping, more happiness all around.  Throughout the past few months, Nate's photography business has been pretty busy.  In addition to doing various photo-shoots, he also has become quite the videographer...let's see if I can attach the wedding video he created for his little brother.  As much as it can bother me that his hobby takes him away from already limited family time, he really is good.  See if you can click on this video...it's worth the watch.

http://vimeo.com/14503844

Mia and I at a poolside brunch before the wedding

Mia swimming with Uncle Erik

Aug-Sept:

Yeah, Mia turned 1-year-old and we survived as parents on Sept 24th!  Mia started a new schedule of day care this month in preparation of me going back to work.  The summer flew by in a sense, but I was also ready to return to work and get back into a routine of some sort.  The summer was filled with weekend getaways, backyard bonfires, afternoon beers with friends, long walks around the hood, farmers markets, BBQs and relaxation. By one year, Mia was 30inches tall, 20lb 10 oz and had a 17.75 inch head....right on track to be long and lean like her father.  The year went by so fast.  Everyone tells you how quickly that first year goes and boy were they right!  Mia has mastered crawling, standing, cruising, blabbing, eating, drinking, playing, clapping, peek-a-boing,  "Sooooo-Bigging" and many other things.  Mia has tons of friends and many of them were born within this past year and more are yet to come in this upcoming year.  We could NOT have done any of this without the tremendous help from our parents, friends and extended family members. We are blessed to have so many ready and willing babysitters on hand whenever we need them. We can not wait for the memories to continue.

At the State Fair's Giant Yellow Slide, I am having way more fun than Mia

Enjoying a cold beer and cheese curds

Baaaa!

After a long day at the fair...she ate the whole bucket of cookies too :)

Mia at her birthday party in the backyard

Mia with her friends: MJ, Annie, Mia, Ruby and Javier

Mia with her brand new Red Rider tricycle 

Sept-Oct:

By the middle of October, we counted 10 teeth that Mia had gotten.  She has 4 of her molars that have helped her eat even more "crunchier" foods. By the very end of October, Mia had slowly begun to walk on her own.  She has always been very cautious when it comes to moving around and getting in to things, so this did not come as a surprise that she would take a bit longer to walk.  She loves climbing stairs but had not quite figured out how to come back down at this point.  I started my new job as an Outpatient Mental Health Therapist at the end of Sept and am loving it so far.  I still have my previous Mondays off from work and this has been a blessing for the past 2-3 years!  Mia is much more of a snuggler right now and is chatting up a storm...she continues to amaze us!

Outside for a beautiful fall walk

At a local apple orchard on a pile of hay

On the swings at the apple orchard

Daddy enjoying a precious snuggle from Mia

Oct-Nov:

Mia is about to turn 14 months in exactly 2 days!  Holy cow!  From this point on, I think I'll update everyone about Mia every month or so and include some pics from that month.  I am sorry this particular blog took so long, but this was fun for me to do today during her 2 naps.  Yes, Mia still generally takes two naps per day, but I think the days are limited with this.  She does not nap twice at day care (2 days per week), but she usually does for everyone else.  Mia brushes her teeth now and has moved from a beginner walker to what i would call an intermediate walker.  She prefers to walk around the house as opposed to crawl, but if she trips or falls...she usually finishes her path by crawling.  In the past few days or so, she really has walked a lot more and with a ton more control.  She goes up and down the stairs.  Mia can show you where her mouth, teeth, tongue, ears, eyes, nose, toes, feet, shoes and belly are (and usually all of this on another person too).  She loves to clap and respond to funny flash cards like "smiling", "wave", "arms up", "clap", "hi", etc.  She LOVES her adirondack chair and gets in and out of it probably 50 times a day.  She has started to stack blocks and can stack up to four...well, we only have four blocks the same size...so I bet she could do at least 12, hehe.  She likes playing with her frog and loves following around our cat, Soprano.  Mia has just started to do some pretend play ie; feeding the rocking horse her blocks and making munching noises and also eating out of my hand when there is actually nothing in my hand :)  She also loved the Tupperware drawer.  And I think she loves her dad and I too.  Regardless, I love her more than anything in the whole wide world.  

Oh yeah, Mia was a Kangaroo for Halloween, we have more pictures too, but I can't find them just yet.

Whew....that took forever.  Thanks for reading!